Life changes

So, I’ve always wanted to start a blog and I figured now’s the time to start… My life has changed a lot this year, I started the year on maternity leave from a well paid job in the city, believing I was totally and utterly in love with my fiancé, in the process of looking to buy a house for us and our absolutely beautiful 7 month old daughter but here I am today, a single mother, back at my parents with my daughter, working in a nursery with a roof over our head and a car provided by my amazing parents who have put myself and my daughter first and shown us no end of love, care and support.

It all started on Saturday 5th April this year (2014), I’d been doing some part time care work for some extra money and we’d found a house to buy, the mortgage had been accepted the previous day. My fiancé had been acting strange since he’d started a new job three weeks or so prior, in fact since his first night out with his new work colleagues who just happened to all be female but he’s always got on well with women so I thought nothing of it initially. I’d always desired a relationship where we could talk about everything and always be there for one another. Be best friends and trust each other and funnily enough although he was never there and preferred to play golf or see his friends more than spend quality time with myself and my daughter, even leaving me ill in bed one day to play golf whilst my lovely parents came to look after my daughter for me, I still thought I had this in our relationship but I just wanted it and ignored the fact it was far from what I did have.

So this specific night, I came in from a 6am start at work and a 9pm finish to a miserable fiancé, thinking this has really got to stop now, we should be happy, we have a beautiful family and we have our new house to look forward to. Longing for that close, best friend sort of relationship, I stupidly thought I could sit down and talk through whatever was bothering him. It started with “nothing is wrong” and ended with “I don’t want to marry you anymore, I just don’t love you”. Unfortunately for me at the time I had heard this before, two years prior, he’d been acting the same way, again, I thought I could help him through his problems, but unbeknownst to me, he’d met another girl on a night out, decided the grass was greener and after knowing her for three weeks, moved into her house. When we sat down to discuss what to do about the flat we were renting, we decided to get back together and I forgave him. I completely trusted him and loved him 100%, gave the relationship my all, I fell pregnant shortly after and he proposed that Christmas but I have since found out throughout our relationship he has emailed, text, chatted up in person other women because he is a commitmentphobe, he cannot be with one person. He needs constant love and attention from women and needs to feel special and important. I worshipped the ground he walked on and everyone knew that but it wasn’t enough for him. There is nothing wrong with this but all I ever wanted was honesty. People like this should be single, why be with someone for 6 years because I just became such a big part of his family and life and he obviously got stuck in a rut and just kept me at home I don’t know. Anyway, this time he found someone at work, even took her to a hotel room, upgrade, champagne then didn’t pay his child support that month. I have since found out he is not a nice human being but I believe in karma and it will catch up with him one day. Also, who cares, I’m over him now, if he can live with what he has done to me and my daughter, completely disregarding us and now happily keeping his daughter in his life part time then it’s up to him. I do wonder, does he ever feel guilty and he must do? Even people like him must have days where they reflect and think god, what I did to that person is so wrong. He has also manipulated his family to believe his lies even though they are aware and have seen the evidence of the previous cheating but then they always put him on a pedistool and his father thinks cheating is totally acceptable as long as you go home to your wife. Anyway, these people are now out of my life and the ending to the story is… I have never been happier, I have totally found myself, I’m looking forward to the future, I’m doing a diploma and I now work everyday with my daughter, life is just amazing. I never realised how unhappy he made me when I was with him but now I can be myself and concentrate on me and my beautiful little girl.